Why can’t we all just get along? This famous question has been asked many times by many people. Couples ask this of themselves regularly in our work with them. The simple answer is that we are different from our partners and we have trouble making sense and coming to terms with that fact.
We want our partners to react and respond to our needs in ways that make us feel loved and understood. But they don’t. And it hurts and it pisses us off. Sometimes it feels as though they are either intentionally trying to get under our skin or they just don’t get us and who we are. The truth is that we often don’t get or understand our partners because we are so different from one another. We judge those differences. We attack them and try to change them to fit into our own points of view.
Trying to change our partners seldom produces positive results. Resentment is usually what follows. Acceptance works better. And by acceptance I don’t mean being OK with being treated badly. Acceptance simply implies releasing the demand that your partner be and behave in ways that suit you. It means simply allowing them to be who they are, even if you don’t agree. It means making the effort to try and understand them when it would be easier to judge them. Acceptance is the first step towards real love.
