Being detached is often seen as a negative. In certain contexts, it is a faulty response. Let’s say for instance you break up with your partner of 5 years and merely say ‘oh well’, shrug your shoulders and sign up on Tinder all on the same day. That kind of detachment is definitely not healthy. There is very little connecting with how you really feel inside.
Loving detachment is different. It does not mean disconnecting from them emotionally or cutting off your feelings for them. It means separating their emotions from yours and allowing them the space to feel their feelings without the need to fix or change the way they feel.
Lets say for instance your partner is angry because they are feeling insecure about the new attractive co-worker in your office. You haven’t done any flirting with this person and so have done nothing wrong. While you could reassure your partner that they have nothing to worry about, its not your responsibility to placate or soothe their anger nor is it your job to sort out their insecurities. We can empathise and understand where they are coming from though and allow them the space to work through their feelings.
Our responsibility lies in emotionally regulating ourselves so that we don’t react in anger to their anger. Fights happen when we allow their emotions to trigger our own.
#couplecoach #lovingdetachment #boundariesmatter #selfcare #emotionalregulation
