Most of the couples that we work with are made up of two individuals who are usually very different. They have different wants, needs and perspectives and often come to us feeling misunderstood and dissatisfied. We talk about “finding the middle ground” and we ask the question, “Are you willing to take a step towards each other, rather than away from one another?”
Every relationship requires compromise, which means both partners need to be willing to sacrifice, in order to gain. It’s a give and take. It’s about being flexible. It is unrealistic to think that we will get our own way every single time, or in every situation. More important is that both of our needs are being met within the relationship on a consistent basis.
So, what is the difference between compromising and people-pleasing?
People-pleasing says, “I am willing to lose in order for you to win. I am willing to ignore my needs in order for your needs to be met.”
Compromise says, “I will sacrifice some of my needs as long as you sacrifice some of your needs.” It is about recogniszing that both of your needs are valid and together finding a way to get them met. It’s about finding win-win solutions.
Practicing self-worth within a relationship means speaking your truth and stating your needs. Valuing your partner means hearing their truth and respecting their needs. Where there is equality and compromise, there is authentic intimacy and true connection.
