I have been in relationships that are riddled with resentment. Mine and theirs, both equally destructive. There is nothing that taints the present more than holding onto resentments from the past. Filtering everything through a lens of anger, assumption and pain. Assuming that because you’ve been hurt in the past, you’re going to get hurt again. There is no trust to be built when the foundation is resentment. You have to clear out past debris before being able to reconstruct.
Clearing out means letting go.
We hold onto resentment in an attempt to protect ourselves from further hurt. What we don’t realise is that it is in holding on, that we disconnect and this is what lands up causing us further pain. Resentment gives us a false sense of security. We justify holding onto it, because we believe that in holding on, we are punishing the other person. Punishing them and hopefully hurting them as much as they have hurt us. My experience is that this backfires every time. Holding on punishes me and robs me of my freedom and serenity. There is no peace in resentment. Only obsession and bitterness which harm me far more than they harm the other person.
It boils down to asking yourself what you want to achieve. And how you want to feel. And then figuring out if living with the baggage of resentment will ever get you there.
