I am highly sensitive to tone of voice. I can tell a whole lot about where people are at and how they are feeling, based solely on their tone of voice. Or so I think. I will often take someone’s tone personally, when it is probably saying far more about where they are at. I make it about me. I react to how it makes me feel. I assume, based on their tone, that they are irritated with me, don’t want to speak to me, or that I have done something wrong.
This would be a good time to ask the question: how are you today? You sound a little angry. Or distant. Or exhausted. Is everything okay?
The point is that tone is a powerful communicator. Often when conversations get heated, we land up reacting far more to the other person’s tone of voice than we do to what they are actually saying. And the reverse is true for the tone we use. I know that when I raise my voice or snap in irritation, the person I am talking to will often get defensive. Or will verbally attack me, because they are feeling tonally attacked by me.
I have learnt that it’s not worth trying to have constructive conversations when I am seething with anger. I need to take some time. Get my emotions in check. And then express, rather than explode.
